Category Archives: Love


“Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our lives. ”
-C.S. Lewis



Hi love bugs.

Sitting/laying here in the hotel waiting since registration earlier this evening. Been drifting in and out of sleep and am finding it pretty difficult to sit up and concentrate on something longer than 5 minutes. I missed you guys though. And I wanted to write to you because it makes me feel at peace.

I just spoke with my coach and asked how he thinks I will do. (stupid question right? it can only be answered when the trophies are presented and any guessing before then will serve pointless.) He said that in the last local show, a girl who is a model and competitor and probably the BEST in show that year didn’t even make it in top 5…meaning, it ALL comes down to the judges personal taste. My immediate thoughts were to worry/cry/over analyze/throwup/eat/run away. Those of you who have been reading my blog since the beginning know that I have spent the past year breaking free of intense insecurity, the idea that ‘hoping someone/s will like me’ and not judged purely off abs, ass, hair, skin, symmetry etc is what all of my training is coming down to leaves me feeling like this- Β Β 


What if I lose? What will I do then?

Well. First thing I’ll do is eat my burrito that I deserved no matter what, and then go to In and Out once I’m hungry again. (don’t forget the boba chai for dessert.)

Then, I thank God for giving me the desire to push myself. To do something that I always told myself I couldn’t do…and do my best at it.Β  Thank my parents for being examples of health in all ways spiritual, physical and mental. Hug my mom for losing all her weight all by herself without some bullshit pill or biggest loser, and for keeping with her strength even when people hate on her out of fear for what they don’t understand. Then go sit and read and talk with my little brother because he is my light. Then eat with D. WITH D. Laugh with him. Thank him for being a man. The first man I’ve dated who has a determination and drive that is matched my none other than my own Daddy πŸ™‚

Somewhere in there I will figure out when the next time I can afford toΒ  compete will be. I. WILL. GO. PRO.

Now enough of that. Let’s show the judges what we’re made of, what we went through to get here, and hopefully the passion in my stance will blow them all away. πŸ™‚

I will be up at 4 am. By 11am tomorrow morning, I will be on stage. By 8pm, we will receive the results! I’m very very excited. I’m very very VERY blessed.

I managed to sit up long enough to snap a few photos. No makeup needed:

this face he did made me laugh. he’s just eating pretzels like a muthafka

1 day out.

Just checking in quick to say hi! I feel very horrible and quite irritable. D is with me…I’m still feeling quite irritable. I’ll do my best to post one more time once we check into the hotel and before I get my second layer of orange tan πŸ™‚ All that’s left is making it through one night, which, in all honesty, I’m SOOO excited about. I love hotels, any hotel. Obviously, maybe the circumstances could be more enjoyable, perhaps ordering pizza and drinking chai in the hotel room whilst watching some movie on the basic cable. Regardless, D and chicken breast will be more than enough ❀

He is amazing sticking by me especially the day before the show when I’m closer to a devil than an angel. He’s been driving us back and forth and all over the city to make all my appointments and pick up any last minute items. Meanwhile, I’m hallucinating and falling in and out of sleep in the passenger.Β  If any of you girls (or feminine males) feel like it, feel free to send him an email about how amazing he is and how much you wish he was yours πŸ˜‰


Β via the facebook page

fitmod| calvinklein.

4 days out.

I PROMISE I will respond to all emails/messages as soon as the competition and move are complete! Please know that I do not delay replies just for sh*ts and giggles. You all are so important to me and I want to make sure I don’t rush any responses. Be patient with me πŸ™‚

My stats right now:

  • height: 4′ 11
  • weight: 102
  • body fat: 9.3%

To be honest, I do NOT like being this small/lean and I definitely to not advise or encourage this sort of leanness year round. Your body will snap and chances are you’ll end up building a tolerance and will not be able to lean out to maximum potential at all. I usually am only actually this lean about 1 month out of the year, the rest of the year I average 116 lbs and about 4 bean burritos a week. (hahahah for real though.)

I’ve been bottle/hand feeding our little baby rabbit every morning for the past week and it has honestly been the one thing keeping me sane.btw. If you’d like to see all these random photos and my somewhat useless yet always intriguing status updates, feel free to ‘like’ the facebook page πŸ™‚


Some photos from our trip to Laguna Beach in March.
I look at them whenever I want to go back…

you are beautiful.

This goes out to all my girls out there who are willing to love their canvas enough to push it further! You keep me going, WE ARE NOT ALONE! xx