Category Archives: Spotlights


guess who  where?!

I’m on the floor in my new rooooom  in my new ppaaaadddd.

D and I painted the last room and moved the last item yesterday and it could not have finished soon enough! Our backs and necks will surely feel it for days to come! To answer a few comments, no, I did not move in with D. I’d prefer not to play marriage until it’s time to actually have fun playing in our actual marriage. haha

I turned in the keys to the ‘old’ apartment and have been going through the typical old roommate stuff that I’m sure you all have gone through at one time or another. Trying to contact the person to be left unnamed to get the final things…finalized. Only to have no response. I hate feeling like I’m on the verge of getting screwed over….even though it wouldn’t be the first time. I’m new to the whole ‘half and half deposit’ so I’m hoping things will just go smoothly to get this whole lease to an end and be able to focus on what really matters…


I’m planning on baking some massive amounts of delicioushit with the money from my deposit. Would you like to join me? We could have a “mob bake” and every one in all corners of the earth could just fill the atmosphere with the essence of cinnamon sugar and chocolate.

Also, great news.

Tomorrow is the day of the blog move! Can we all have a “new platform warming” party? Candles and macs are acceptable forms of welcoming gifts.



“Life will flow into us in thousands of small ways as we die to our egos, our pride, our need to be right, our self sufficiency, our rebellion, and our stubborn insistence that we deserve to get our way.”

Guess what…



For the first time since I’ve moved out of my parents house 4 years back, I am actually upgrading in BOTH environment and human connection. My excitement is encompassed by relief.

There is truly a season for everything. Even though my past year has been tainted with lies, hate, and overall deception- the past month has set the stage for this next season. Such beautiful people, incredible opportunities, a peace in life- I don’t deserve any of it…but I am grateful for it all the same and will be taking it with all the responsibility and strength it entails.

I want to make you guys proud.

After these next couple weeks of healing my body, resting, (who am I kidding) EATING, I will be hitting the training even harder(smarter)!

I am very happy that 3 readers have joined PUSH and I will be working on their personalized fitness plans and nutrition requirements. All three of them happen to be over seas, I’m thinking an “in person” check up will need to be arranged! hahaha (what? I need a vacation!!! :D)

Last thing, be sure to smile today. BIG.







Submitted on 2011/07/26 at 11:01 pm

Why would you want to gain weight purposely? You worked so hard! Eat what you want, but don’t force anything just to prove something to your readers


C: Thanks so much for the compliment Anonymous reader! I did train and lean the best I could! In answer to your question, contrary to what media shoves down every ones throat, gaining weight (when it is healthy mass) is not only necessary for your body to heal and be able to lean out even more when the time comes, but also to keep skin, hair and all other womanly parts (vag/ovaries/etc) in just as beautiful condition. Being 99lbs and 8% body fat, as I’ve stated many times before, are my stats for 3 days TOPS and even then, I eat at least 6 meals a day with high protein count. Gaining weight is not the same as a desire to get fat. Get loose. Get unhealthy. Over the next couple weeks I will be gaining weight so that my body will recover from the trauma of competition training. It will thicken out in all the right places because of smart eating, heavy weights, and my body won’t ever plateau.

After all, all the readers know I come to B.T.B.!!



|me at a healthy off season weight of 120|

push| Q&A

I’ve been getting a few repeated questions in my inbox, figured I’d tackle them all at once here! 🙂 I just ate a huge bowl of mac and cheese with salmon (left overs from the dinner I made last night) and I’m headed to go walk and train arms. Still on my weight gain and it feels SO weird trying to gain weight after leaning out for so long. I feel so naughty eating normal food NONSTOP.

I feel like a baby in a strip club.

…anyways. here’s the answers to your questions, please keep sending them! And if I have not responded to your emails yet, please know I am doing my best to respond with my full focus and attention, even if that means taking longer to reply! Have patience with me!


Q: “You said you didn’t place in your competition. How many places were there?”

A: Perfect question, so sorry I neglected to write this in the competition post! Top 5 are the places, and there were 17 girls in my class!

Q: “How many calories do you eat a day?’

A: I wouldn’t know. I don’t count them. In my opinion, counting calories is the second stupidest thing next to fat burning pills.

Q: When is your next competition?

A. November 🙂 I have about 2/3 weeks off, and then I will be training again!

Q: How long should I do cardio every day.

A: In most cases, I would advise not to do cardio EVERY day. This will only keep tearing down muscle and your body will end up looking kind of saggy and odd (like those who only exercise with bike riding/jogging). Stick to slow burn cardio approximately 20-40 minutes every other work out. and the NPC July Arizona Open

Here it is! The lengthy photo journey of my first taste of Bikini at the local show. You may want to scroll to the right, the pictures are quite large!

4:00 am : wake up and attempt to make my face match my body. Very exhausted already at this point!

11:00 am: My height class (Class A) walks out on stage! There were 17 girls total in my class.

After the morning show, we had some time to go eat some lunch. On the way out we snapped a few with the always lovely Felicia Romero! I ate a panini and muffin for the first time in a long time and my belly got kinda poofy for the night show!! 😮 (all judging takes place in the morning show).

6:00 pm The night show! A few of the mobile uploads from behind the stage as well!

9:00 pm : After the results were posted backstage. Didn’t place, but got to give hugs to the devoted beautiful girls who did. It was so wonderful to be around other motivated people who live a life with accepted challenges and follow through! I couldn’t even waste any time to be sad, (most of all I just wanted my burrito 😉 ) but I felt SUCH satisfaction in knowing that I did my absolute best no matter what the judges’ decisions.

me with the handsome Scott Pasmore!

Troy Alves has seen me grow since I was in high school. So nice to still have him around!

My incredible parents

And now…
what we (me) have all been waiting for…..

Uhm…I meant fried ice cream.

I don’t think friend ice cream exists…yet.(stroke of genius)

the food already started shocking my system after the chips and salsa. haha, ps. that’s dad’s hand.

I WAS IN SO MUCH PAIN even my neck was cramping up! It was like all of me was locking up under the shock! IT HURT SO GOOD! haha



Good morning beautiful men and women!!! I hope you all are having such a great weekend and that all that goodness will carry into your Monday!

Before D and I head to a huge wonderful breakfast, I wanted to let you know that I didn’t place this time around, but all the girls I was up against were absolute knock outs! I can’t even begin to be sad, I’ve had such an amazing support group made up of all of you wonderful people.Thank you for making my 1st time in bikini AMAZING! I love you!

I will be posting A LOT of photos from the weekend and photos of me on stage and the girls I was competing against in my height class. I promise it’ll be a long one and I will let you know what went on throughout the weekend, my thoughts  on everything, and basically just..everything 🙂 I know a lot of you girls were excited for me to “scout” it out for you since you’ve been wanting to compete but didn’t know what it all entailed.

Dev also got some awesome footage of me and my BEAN F***ING BURRITO after the show! It was beautiful. I almost passed out from the sodium shock immediately after.

so wonderful.

Here is a quick shot that was taken when me and two girls who were in different height classes than I was, a bit blurry!


Hi love bugs.

Sitting/laying here in the hotel waiting since registration earlier this evening. Been drifting in and out of sleep and am finding it pretty difficult to sit up and concentrate on something longer than 5 minutes. I missed you guys though. And I wanted to write to you because it makes me feel at peace.

I just spoke with my coach and asked how he thinks I will do. (stupid question right? it can only be answered when the trophies are presented and any guessing before then will serve pointless.) He said that in the last local show, a girl who is a model and competitor and probably the BEST in show that year didn’t even make it in top 5…meaning, it ALL comes down to the judges personal taste. My immediate thoughts were to worry/cry/over analyze/throwup/eat/run away. Those of you who have been reading my blog since the beginning know that I have spent the past year breaking free of intense insecurity, the idea that ‘hoping someone/s will like me’ and not judged purely off abs, ass, hair, skin, symmetry etc is what all of my training is coming down to leaves me feeling like this-   


What if I lose? What will I do then?

Well. First thing I’ll do is eat my burrito that I deserved no matter what, and then go to In and Out once I’m hungry again. (don’t forget the boba chai for dessert.)

Then, I thank God for giving me the desire to push myself. To do something that I always told myself I couldn’t do…and do my best at it.  Thank my parents for being examples of health in all ways spiritual, physical and mental. Hug my mom for losing all her weight all by herself without some bullshit pill or biggest loser, and for keeping with her strength even when people hate on her out of fear for what they don’t understand. Then go sit and read and talk with my little brother because he is my light. Then eat with D. WITH D. Laugh with him. Thank him for being a man. The first man I’ve dated who has a determination and drive that is matched my none other than my own Daddy 🙂

Somewhere in there I will figure out when the next time I can afford to  compete will be. I. WILL. GO. PRO.

Now enough of that. Let’s show the judges what we’re made of, what we went through to get here, and hopefully the passion in my stance will blow them all away. 🙂

I will be up at 4 am. By 11am tomorrow morning, I will be on stage. By 8pm, we will receive the results! I’m very very excited. I’m very very VERY blessed.

I managed to sit up long enough to snap a few photos. No makeup needed:

this face he did made me laugh. he’s just eating pretzels like a muthafka