Category Archives: stalk|ciara


guess who  where?!

I’m on the floor in my new rooooom  in my new ppaaaadddd.

D and I painted the last room and moved the last item yesterday and it could not have finished soon enough! Our backs and necks will surely feel it for days to come! To answer a few comments, no, I did not move in with D. I’d prefer not to play marriage until it’s time to actually have fun playing in our actual marriage. haha

I turned in the keys to the ‘old’ apartment and have been going through the typical old roommate stuff that I’m sure you all have gone through at one time or another. Trying to contact the person to be left unnamed to get the final things…finalized. Only to have no response. I hate feeling like I’m on the verge of getting screwed over….even though it wouldn’t be the first time. I’m new to the whole ‘half and half deposit’ so I’m hoping things will just go smoothly to get this whole lease to an end and be able to focus on what really matters…


I’m planning on baking some massive amounts of delicioushit with the money from my deposit. Would you like to join me? We could have a “mob bake” and every one in all corners of the earth could just fill the atmosphere with the essence of cinnamon sugar and chocolate.

Also, great news.

Tomorrow is the day of the blog move! Can we all have a “new platform warming” party? Candles and macs are acceptable forms of welcoming gifts.



“Life will flow into us in thousands of small ways as we die to our egos, our pride, our need to be right, our self sufficiency, our rebellion, and our stubborn insistence that we deserve to get our way.”

Guess what…



For the first time since I’ve moved out of my parents house 4 years back, I am actually upgrading in BOTH environment and human connection. My excitement is encompassed by relief.

There is truly a season for everything. Even though my past year has been tainted with lies, hate, and overall deception- the past month has set the stage for this next season. Such beautiful people, incredible opportunities, a peace in life- I don’t deserve any of it…but I am grateful for it all the same and will be taking it with all the responsibility and strength it entails.

I want to make you guys proud.

After these next couple weeks of healing my body, resting, (who am I kidding) EATING, I will be hitting the training even harder(smarter)!

I am very happy that 3 readers have joined PUSH and I will be working on their personalized fitness plans and nutrition requirements. All three of them happen to be over seas, I’m thinking an “in person” check up will need to be arranged! hahaha (what? I need a vacation!!! :D)

Last thing, be sure to smile today. BIG.


 and the NPC July Arizona Open

Here it is! The lengthy photo journey of my first taste of Bikini at the local show. You may want to scroll to the right, the pictures are quite large!

4:00 am : wake up and attempt to make my face match my body. Very exhausted already at this point!

11:00 am: My height class (Class A) walks out on stage! There were 17 girls total in my class.

After the morning show, we had some time to go eat some lunch. On the way out we snapped a few with the always lovely Felicia Romero! I ate a panini and muffin for the first time in a long time and my belly got kinda poofy for the night show!! 😮 (all judging takes place in the morning show).

6:00 pm The night show! A few of the mobile uploads from behind the stage as well!

9:00 pm : After the results were posted backstage. Didn’t place, but got to give hugs to the devoted beautiful girls who did. It was so wonderful to be around other motivated people who live a life with accepted challenges and follow through! I couldn’t even waste any time to be sad, (most of all I just wanted my burrito 😉 ) but I felt SUCH satisfaction in knowing that I did my absolute best no matter what the judges’ decisions.

me with the handsome Scott Pasmore!

Troy Alves has seen me grow since I was in high school. So nice to still have him around!

My incredible parents

And now…
what we (me) have all been waiting for…..

Uhm…I meant fried ice cream.

I don’t think friend ice cream exists…yet.(stroke of genius)

the food already started shocking my system after the chips and salsa. haha, ps. that’s dad’s hand.

I WAS IN SO MUCH PAIN even my neck was cramping up! It was like all of me was locking up under the shock! IT HURT SO GOOD! haha



Good morning beautiful men and women!!! I hope you all are having such a great weekend and that all that goodness will carry into your Monday!

Before D and I head to a huge wonderful breakfast, I wanted to let you know that I didn’t place this time around, but all the girls I was up against were absolute knock outs! I can’t even begin to be sad, I’ve had such an amazing support group made up of all of you wonderful people.Thank you for making my 1st time in bikini AMAZING! I love you!

I will be posting A LOT of photos from the weekend and photos of me on stage and the girls I was competing against in my height class. I promise it’ll be a long one and I will let you know what went on throughout the weekend, my thoughts  on everything, and basically just..everything 🙂 I know a lot of you girls were excited for me to “scout” it out for you since you’ve been wanting to compete but didn’t know what it all entailed.

Dev also got some awesome footage of me and my BEAN F***ING BURRITO after the show! It was beautiful. I almost passed out from the sodium shock immediately after.

so wonderful.

Here is a quick shot that was taken when me and two girls who were in different height classes than I was, a bit blurry!


Hi love bugs.

Sitting/laying here in the hotel waiting since registration earlier this evening. Been drifting in and out of sleep and am finding it pretty difficult to sit up and concentrate on something longer than 5 minutes. I missed you guys though. And I wanted to write to you because it makes me feel at peace.

I just spoke with my coach and asked how he thinks I will do. (stupid question right? it can only be answered when the trophies are presented and any guessing before then will serve pointless.) He said that in the last local show, a girl who is a model and competitor and probably the BEST in show that year didn’t even make it in top 5…meaning, it ALL comes down to the judges personal taste. My immediate thoughts were to worry/cry/over analyze/throwup/eat/run away. Those of you who have been reading my blog since the beginning know that I have spent the past year breaking free of intense insecurity, the idea that ‘hoping someone/s will like me’ and not judged purely off abs, ass, hair, skin, symmetry etc is what all of my training is coming down to leaves me feeling like this-   


What if I lose? What will I do then?

Well. First thing I’ll do is eat my burrito that I deserved no matter what, and then go to In and Out once I’m hungry again. (don’t forget the boba chai for dessert.)

Then, I thank God for giving me the desire to push myself. To do something that I always told myself I couldn’t do…and do my best at it.  Thank my parents for being examples of health in all ways spiritual, physical and mental. Hug my mom for losing all her weight all by herself without some bullshit pill or biggest loser, and for keeping with her strength even when people hate on her out of fear for what they don’t understand. Then go sit and read and talk with my little brother because he is my light. Then eat with D. WITH D. Laugh with him. Thank him for being a man. The first man I’ve dated who has a determination and drive that is matched my none other than my own Daddy 🙂

Somewhere in there I will figure out when the next time I can afford to  compete will be. I. WILL. GO. PRO.

Now enough of that. Let’s show the judges what we’re made of, what we went through to get here, and hopefully the passion in my stance will blow them all away. 🙂

I will be up at 4 am. By 11am tomorrow morning, I will be on stage. By 8pm, we will receive the results! I’m very very excited. I’m very very VERY blessed.

I managed to sit up long enough to snap a few photos. No makeup needed:

this face he did made me laugh. he’s just eating pretzels like a muthafka

1 day out.

Just checking in quick to say hi! I feel very horrible and quite irritable. D is with me…I’m still feeling quite irritable. I’ll do my best to post one more time once we check into the hotel and before I get my second layer of orange tan 🙂 All that’s left is making it through one night, which, in all honesty, I’m SOOO excited about. I love hotels, any hotel. Obviously, maybe the circumstances could be more enjoyable, perhaps ordering pizza and drinking chai in the hotel room whilst watching some movie on the basic cable. Regardless, D and chicken breast will be more than enough ❤

He is amazing sticking by me especially the day before the show when I’m closer to a devil than an angel. He’s been driving us back and forth and all over the city to make all my appointments and pick up any last minute items. Meanwhile, I’m hallucinating and falling in and out of sleep in the passenger.  If any of you girls (or feminine males) feel like it, feel free to send him an email about how amazing he is and how much you wish he was yours 😉


 via the facebook page


ALMOST forgot to post the link to purchase tickets for the show. It’s the 23rd (this Saturday) at the Mesa location. The morning show is for you die hards who actually can sit through about 3 hours of posing routines and judging. The night show is the one I would suggest paying for. It’s glitzy and glammy. They actually set up the stage, and there’s a professional guest poser and that is also where they hand out trophys! It’s fun even if you’re not “into” body building 🙂

I’m going to do my best to keep you all updated. Chances are I’ll be communicated mainly through the ciaraLE facebook page and if I can carry this clunker of a laptop around all weekend, I’ll try to update via blog post!

To God be the glory for all He’s done, is doing, and will do. I honestly would not even be alive to lift a weight if it weren’t for His grace and love. I am so blessed to have ALL of you, seriously…whether we’ve emailed, communicated, talked or not. Even if your intentions were to hurt me, bring me down, or just spread misery…He used it for good. He used it to teach, strengthen, and grow. And I’m thankful for that.

I’m more ready than I’ll ever be to shove the bean burrito into the deepest parts of my heart and quench all the longing I’ve had for sodium and carbs.

It will be beautiful.

It will be nothing short of miraculous.